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Name: Erin
Location: Morgantown, West Virginia, United States
Birthday: 5/29/1990
Gender: Female


Interests: Everything zen. Dark Poetry, Sarcasm, and most importantly Keith. Life should be a gift. I see it as a negative space in preparation for our death...where we may find our true destiny's. I hate restrainment, I want to walk free fallen and not have to worry about what's going to happen to me or the people around me that will sooner deceive me than join me in death. Pessimism, not by choice, but priveleged, optimism is the greatest way to become blindly drawn into self-deception. Whereas will fuck you later on. Keith is my main interest currently and until my dying day.
Expertise: Pathetic art deviant.
Occupation: Artist
Industry: Art


Message: message me
AIM: DrearyMdnight669@aol.com


Member Since: 3/29/2006

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Tuesday, June 27, 2006

New site goons...now I have another santuary to hide within the walls of. All this will cease and become another dusty memory with age.
Sack my heart and ravage my soul...
www.xanga.com/War_xDestruction


Sunday, June 25, 2006

Currently Reading
Servant of the Bones
By Anne Rice
see related

The Dying Rose

Dying roses in the mist

The reaper not so far off

They fared and shed their tears

Brought alongside misery and their petty desperation

Complained and brought about their fears

Still, the roses rotted within the mist

We sit in billiard rooms

Speak of fools and heartily drink our spirits

The glitter fades

The feel is gone

We await our fates soon enough we will be entombed

Fragmented love lives and thorns to cut ourselves with

I lie deeply inside my own womb

For security and pride

The roses fade within the mist

We watch coldly in desperation

The reaper draws nearer

We have squandered and faked every day of our lives

the knives zig zag between our aching fingers

We fear our days ceasing...our wasted days

No one got the gist

No one knew the rose was dying

Fading to black

Instead we mourned in our wist

Our humane tendencies for self-pity

Self-deceit

Dying roses in the mist

heartache and neverending disparity

The reaper grabbed my hand and slowly pulled me upon my feet

This rarity

This purity

I plucked my mind like a blank sheet

I remembered silence so sweet

Shards of shattered glass between my toes

We sat and reminisced the fall

The crimson waves yearning

We drank to our deaths in bitter memory

Our failed acknowledgement lead us to our loving foes

We were sitting across the room from one another

I began my sister's hatred when she murdered our older sister

I began when i seen two brothers fight to the death

I wept in bitter defeat

We conjoined incongruously and fell to our knees

This precipitous weir, this spiral

All we have earned

Is all that we've lost

Still, the rose died in mist


Currently Listening
Pretty Hate Machine
By Nine Inch Nails
Ringfinger
see related

Do you have a significant other? (If your answer is no, you can skip the next eight questions).
What is their name? KLS
How old are they? 21
What do they look like? drop dead gorgeous
What are they like as a person? what i've always wanted
How long have you been seeing them? 2 mos and some odd days
Is it love? I've never loved anyone as much as I love Keith *in males*
Do you plan on marrying? The day I turn 18
Can you see a future with them? I do

How do you feel when in love? I've never been this intoxicated by my enemy like this....it's like the twilight zone but with glitz
Do you feel it makes the world go round? not for everyone
Are you a romantic sort of person? A hopeless romantic
Do you regularly show affection? I really try, but it proves to be a task at times, but I don't always show what I mean to convey

Sex
Are you a virgin? (If your answer is no, you can answer the following questions). Hardly
How often do you have sex? all the time
So would you say you are sexually active? no fucking duh..doesn't that answer the previous question
Are you sexually confident? not exactly...but I try not to let the stand in my way
Are you dirty and wild, or old fashioned in the bedroom? novice pretty much
What is your favourite body part on the opposite/same sex? torso
What do you enjoy most in the bedroom (yes I mean sexually)? fucking..dur
Do you enjoy foreplay before sex? whenever i'm not drunk, which isn't very often
Do you enjoy oral sex before or after sex? i don't get that lucky
What positions do you regularly use? i'm usually on top, vice versa...
Any weird fetishes or turn ons? biting and licking
What are your turn offs? my ass
Have you ever given a blow job? i've lost count
Hand job? never *not joking either*

Have you Ever Gotten "Off" while with your lover? if that's what you want to call it

Have you ever Faked a Moan while with him/her? no...how i can I fake with what he gives me????

 

How can I show you
that you are beautiful
when you always look the other way
 How can I show you
that you are beautiful
when you see only flaws in the diamond
and not the sparkle that it holds
You judge yourself with consequence
tearing down what nature built
and turning it into darkness cold

How can I show you
that you are beautiful
when you don't look into the mirror
save with tear-streaked eyes
How can you see yourself as I do
when you're peering through a looking glass
warped by doubt and loathing
brewed within your mind


 
How can I show you
that you are beautiful
when your beauty is just too much
and leaves me lost for words
choking on every thought
while trying to explain something so clear
that it is written all over your face

How can I show you
that you're beautiful
when the world is not enough
and a million voices
fail to change your song
unable to silence
the doubt that beats away


 
No I can't show you
that you're beautiful
No matter how hard I try
But I'll whisper it to you every night
as you drift off to sleep
and hope that one morning
you'll wake up with eyes wide open
and see yourself as I do

A perfect diamond
A stunning reflection
and a ray of sun
piercing my own darkness
taking the clouds away

 

This is the only poem I've read in my 16 years that has brought deep tears to my eyes and truth. I crushed myself when I read it, the struggle he lives with, trying to convey his message across to me and I can't hear him, blindly devastated by my own will.

To those fuckers that said he was in it for something other than love, fuck you. All the young believers that found purity in something you could never have always bring the worse to those who find what they've wished for every breath they've brought in. I worked for what I have and I damn well earned it.  Materialized by my own will and skeptism, I know what I convey. Do you  know what your post entails? I love Keith, if my "followers" can't handle it, fuck you. Find another nigger to bullshit.

Love is something you have to understand before you tell someone you love them. The one person in your life that you will love, you will  have a feeling that you can't come off of. It's like cocaine. You can't comedown. You don't want to. Don't tell one that you love them and not have a bit of meaning in it. Expect them to say it back, but not with honesty. Love also doesn't mean using or cheating. If  you love someone, you cannot forget them, not matter how hard you try to push it out of your mind. It's inevitable to push them out and expect them to be found again at your convenience. Horseshit like that will get you no where, especially losing the trust of your peers. One of those peers one day may be the one you fall in love with. Love is not blind either. Nor does it judge or is it boastful. You cannot force yourself to fall into love, or to fall out of love. No one can chose who you love or how to love, naturally it's a force of nature. Love knows no age. Love accepts all who are willing to accept it. It is not mutual if one refuses to accept it.

Buildings burn, people die, but real love is forever...


Thursday, June 22, 2006

Currently Listening
Antichrist Superstar
By Marilyn Manson
DEFORMOGRAPHY
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I'm not entirely sure of what my intentions are today. It's raining.

I have a lunch soiree in Fairmont today with a few friends. *sighs* I don't know how to feel about that. I need something to kill time, but I don't want to do much of anything at this point. Things are moving rather slowly.

I woke up bright at the wee hours of the morning...5:21 to be exact. Between it being 100 degrees in my room with the fan running and the window open (pixies flying in and stealing pieces of my nightscreams), It was still much like suffocating. Not so much the humidity.

Whenever my mom's other child awakens from his slumber, I shall ravage his room and slash  my imperialistic mark of hate across his gaming system and play Final Fantasy X. Erratically, I have become strangely drawn to the Final Fantasy gag. Especially Final Fantasy VII the movie.

Everybody is someone elses nigger, you are too and so am I
I wasn't born with enough middle fingers

SHOOT MOTHERFUCKER

edit

yea...i have my dates all fucked up
Nonetheless, here's a quote:

It can't rain all the time...
It's not death if you refuse it, only if you accept it.
One owes respect to the living; to the dead, one owes only truth. - Voltaire
Buildings burn, people die, but real love is forever...


Tuesday, June 20, 2006

Currently Listening
The Crow: Original Motion Picture Soundtrack
By Various Artists
Dead Souls-Nine Inch Nails
see related

Do you ever feel like you're not as good as someone else? Especially having alot to do with the one you love? I feel sometimes as if I'm not as good as the one I loves ex wife. I realize that I'm very young and quite  naive, but I want to be better. I mean, jesus christ, he had a kid with her. I'm fine with that being that, but  how can I measure up to par with that? That's something you could never take away from someone, the one they once fell in love with first hand, and the first person to delve into intimately and share the earliest of  your life with. I don't know how I can be that person. Never. I don't know how to do something so conniving and awful. Do you know that pretty porcelain doll on the back of your shelf that everyone admires and adores for the longest time? The one currently collecting dust? The one that used to be loved? We'll all become that doll once in our lifetimes, then we'll be shoved formally into the dark of the lost forgotten shelf collecting dust and age.
In my mystic house of prayer, I want to not be that pretty doll. I want to be the treasured item that keeps it glisten forever and brings a new glitz each time I'm pulled out of a day's solitude.
I'm a bitch. I really am. This will probably annoy the hell out of him to no end. I don't write this shit to piss anyone off. I don't feel right keeping it bottled up inside letting it overcome me. My paranoia will be the death of me. My mom (whom was drunk---as an everyday ritual) and I had this conversation earlier. What if they won't get over their first love? Their everything that once was? I'm not obsessed with anyone I've ever at once been with. I say good riddance. I always seemed to find the perfect asshole who's drugs were always more important than my presence alone. As if they needed the potence of a narcotic to kill me with me there. I know how my love feels now. I'm horrible. I have him to get pills for me. I smoked pot in front of him when he said before not bring it into his presence. I disobeyed everything simple. I fucked up in otherwords. I'm trash if you want to get technical. He always claims it's "fine", but I know he doesn't feel that way. I think it saddens him seeing me doped up or even merely hearing me speak of my habit. Not an addict or a junkie. Just a loser. I take pills just to take pills. Gratuitously. There's no reason as to why I even do it. I just do. To make myself  more out of this world. To escape myself.
I guess my mantra now is to stop doing what I do in his presence. I hate what I do when I'm with him. Away from him, I'd fucking kill myself if he weren't in my head all the time. I'm just glad he lives inside. Without him I'd still be the same self-destructive negative creep I've always been and always will continue to be. (If he's not with me). I hope he knows I need him. I want him. I'm not sporadic. I just feel pointless and empty without him.

Maybe I'm just inanely stupid.

HORSESHIT!!!!
BAH



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